While by no means the worst I've seen this year, these next five movies certainly won't be seen by me again. Ever. They had their moments, but ultimately, they fail at being coherent, good movies.
26. Transformers: Age of Extinction
It's no surprise that this movie is a bloated mess, clocking in at just under 3 (!) hours. It's no surprise either, that this movie is going to make $1 billion dollars worldwide. I guess my biggest complaint about this movie was the fact that it was just like the first, second and third movies. I didn't realize this until the fourth installment, but the franchise wore out it's creative genius after the first movie. There's absolutely nothing special about this movie - it's more of the same and honestly if you put any of the 4 movies on television - I couldn't tell you which one was which. The action is the same, the plot points are the same. I would rather see the Autobots in space, going back to their homeworld. Just something unique and different. Get rid of the humans and build stories and character arcs around the Autobots. But that's too risky. Instead, we're going to get the next installment set entirely in China because that's where the money's at. Oh and Megatron is going to be the villain. Even after he got DECAPITATED in the third movie. It's utterly ridiculous how completely void this movie is of creativity. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I guess I'm an optimist. There's no way I'm paying money for the next movie. No way.
Rating: MORE LIKE REVENGE OF THE AGE OF THE FALLEN SIDE OF THE MOON, AMIRITE?
14. Monuments Men
This should have been a great movie. World War II, George Clooney, Matt Damon, Bill Murray and John Goodman? But the film lacks any coherent structure and voice. There's not a strong narrative - it's just Clooney and company running around Europe trying to find art. And the tone of the movie is all over the place - at times darkly funny (when two of the guys get caught in a crossfire between Germans and Americans) and then completely melancholic when one of them dies (due to said crossfire). It's a weird movie that I couldn't get into, nor relate to the characters at all. The sad thing is this movie could have been a really fun, really energetic movie, but the "action" and the humor don't mesh well and it ends up being really boring. It doesn't help that Clooney and company really seem to not be acting all that much. Instead it feels like George Clooney himself is out to save the artwork, rather than his character. Y'all are better off watching the Simpsons episode where Abe Simpson was waging war with Mr. Burns over Nazi-stolen artwork. Great episode.
RATING: A DECIDEDLY "MEH" ADVENTURE
32. 300: Rise of an Empire
What a bonkers movie. I really dug a lot of the naval battles, but this one ends up being just okay. While the first 300 had a razor-sharp focus and unforgettably cheesy dialogue and set pieces, the sequel lacks most of that. There are some shining moments in the movie, namely the aforementioned naval battles. But the movie is hampered by a relatively weak cast and ho-hum plot. There's an actual call back in the movie which I hate, hate hate so much. I'm not dumb. The audience is not dumb. You don't need to show a scene from 20 minutes ago to make sure we got the connection. And that's the problem with this movie - it assumes the audience is too dumb so there's lot of big-winded, FOR FREEDOM inspirational speeches and not enough real character interactions. Except for one bizarre sex sequence between the evil Eva Green character and the main guy, Themistocles. Uncomfortable and out of place, it just didn't seem like a sexy fun time for anyone either in the movie or watching it. There is a lot of unnecessary nudity (the very first scene in fact) and blood and it just drives home the point that this R-rated movie is entirely geared towards 13 year-old boys. I think they might enjoy this movie, but for the rest of us, it's an entirely forgettable experience.
RATING: MEDIOCRE? THIS IS (NOT) 300!
Taken on a plane pretty much sums up this movie. Not entirely a waste of time, nor was it a really fun cinematic experience, Non-Stop delivers what you expect. Much like Taken, I enjoyed the thrill ride while I was watching, but looking back, I don't think I could be compelled to watch it again. The movie doesn't start out like a thriller, though. The first 10 minutes are entirely seen from Neeson's drunken stupor and it felt like forever. I just want to get to the first GD murder, please! No one cares that your wife left you (or is dead, I can't remember). But once the thrills begin, it's fun to watch. The final act is completely wacko and certainly un-thrilling and you'll probably say to yourself "Really" at least half a dozen times. Nevertheless, it's fun, maybe worth a rental but please, don't go out of your way to see this movie.
RATING: AVOID THE RED EYE AND TAKE A LAYOVER
I think for the most part the reboot was worth it. Robocop has a lot of themes to chew on - losing our humanity to technology, war, corporations taking over our lives, the economy. It's a very heavy-handed movie. But mixed with a lot of action and lots of gritty robot-on-robot fighting. While being a thoroughly enjoyable film, there was just something missing. I don't think I entirely connected to Robocop as a character and the film kind meanders in the middle. Joel Kinnamen is perfect, though as the new Robocop and the rest of the cast is pretty good, too. I just couldn't muster up enough love. It's a very "okay" movie that is worth checking out, but will never really land on my rewatch list.
RATING: COME FOR THE ROBOTS, STAY FOR THE KEATON.