I Need A Job

Finding a job sucks. Hard. And blows, too. Hard.

Why doesn't the blogging folks hire? What exactly does an English major really do for me? What is that smell?

These questions come up everyday for me. I still haven't found a job and it's been more than a month from graduating college. Burger King is mighty tempting. They are hiring. I could become a daytime manager there. That would be saaweeet.

However, tomorrow morning I do have an interview with a roofing place. Yes, I think I can handle it. I kind of like that stuff. I worked for my dad last summer digging in cemeteries, I think I could use a heighth adjustment for my summer job. Although summer jobs are long gone. I don't have anything to return to when late August rolls around. And that possibly scares me. Possibly because nothing really scares me. I'm pretty good at not being scared. If I was in a scary movie, I would be the guy that gets killed first. Although I am scared of clowns. I guess if I was in that Killer Klowns from Outer Space movie, I would possibly piss my pants. I love that movie now, but when I was a kid, that scared me. They would turn people into cotton candy and suck their blood through a straw in the cotton candy. And somehow there was this dinosaur at the end of the movie. I don't think I like clowns simply because I now connect clowns with dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs, but only dead ones. Not ones that live in a spaceship that oddly enough, looks like a circus tent.

I did, however, love Bozo the clown. The only good part about that show was the game with the ball and the bucket. It was so cheap because no kid ever won that game. No one. The kid would throw a ping pong ball at a red bucket and if they made it, they'd get something cool, like a Power Wheels (which I'm still waiting for, mom). But no one ever did. It's like those games at the carnival, they're not intended for you to win. I think Bozo just wanted to make himself feel better. Bastard. But everyone always thought they could do it. So we would practice in our backyards. This training has helped me so much in my beer pong college days, let me tell you.

Not only did I have Bozo to look forward to, but we had a cheaper and more local version of Bozo, Happy the Hobo. He was a hobo. And he was happy. Go figure. I don't remember much about him, but they went through several actors (because they either died or were gay, I think. Don't hold me to that. I don't know. It's hard to find work when your a hobo and gay, I guess). He always had a partner, though, who never died or turned out to be homosexual (well, I don't know...). It was Froggie the Frog (oh snap! creativity at its peak here)! And he sounded like he had a voicebox in his throat from smoking too much and getting cancer. Yeah, that was a fun show. I think. I don't remember much about it. They didn't have anything cool like a ball and bucket game.

This was my childhood. Along with Fraggle Rock (when it was on HBO) and The Noozles (does anybody remember this show about the koala bears who lived in another dimension? I do). I loved those shows. And then I moved on to more "young adult" shows like Hey Dude and Salute Your Shorts. And Legends of the Hidden Temple, possibly one of the best kid game shows ever. And now I just watch SportsCenter. Oh snap.