2014 So Far in Most Anticipated: Part 1

Let's just cut straight to it. I'm back. It's been a long six months. I've changed, the world's changed and we're all the better for it. (Except maybe for Brazil). Time to catch up briefly to where 2014 stands!

I'm going to do a break down of the movies I've seen in worst to best order. AND YES, I do have a calendar where I'm keeping track of all the movies I've watched. I'm extremely dorky like that. Now let's get on with it!

39. 3 Days to Kill
I don't know how this piece of crap movie landed inside my top 40. I think Costner is long overdue for some sort of comeback. Just not this movie. Poorly edited, paced and just all sorts of confusing at times, 3 Days to Kill is a movie that not only sucks the fun out of the room, but also makes you question your taste in movies. I seriously had a talking to with myself about selecting this movie. And not only that, why I had this on my list in the first place. Luc Besson wrote it (which was a serviceable script, but was nowhere near being a good script). BUT McG was directing. I seriously, I just can't. He's just that dude that everyone knows is a douche but you let him hang out with you and your friends because he always has money to burn on alcohol and food. He goes by the name McG and we're still letting this douche nozzle make movies? C'mon folks, it's 2014, we've evolved!

The Poster is WAY cooler than the movie. WAY.
34. Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
A wish-it-was-better kind of movie. Chris Pine desperately wants to be the next Tom Cruise - and he has the chops in my opinion, but this Tom Clancy reboot is not exactly the way to go. The movie is just okay - it seems too reliant on Bourne-like hijinks instead of being a more subtle spy movie, which is what Hunt for Red October and Patriot Games were all about. Seriously, Costner, what are you doing to yourself? I know you need a paycheck, but maybe a TV show would be better suited for you. I'm sure HBO would like to see you in Game of Thrones or Girls. Maybe True Detective! And poor Kenneth Branagh, I think he let the success of Thor get to his head! Thinking he can direct an action movie while playing the Russian mob boss villain. Cute.

Even the poster is embarrassed about the movie

Runner-Up: That Awkward Moment
Another so-so movie, I think the cast is fantastic, it's just that the script and characters aren't well-written. Nor is the movie terribly funny - it tries too hard to be a normal romantic comedy, but with edgy humor and R-rated shenanigans. And that would be fine - Wedding Crashers managed this really well - but That Awkward Moment just doesn't have a great chemistry with the cast. There's some nice moments but then you remember Zac Efron was wearing a dildo in this movie and at that moment you realize you might have just seen about everything there is in this world and OMG it's depressing.

Runner-Up: Vampire Academy
I will fully admit I will see any YA movie adaptation. I'm not above that. But man, this one is a messy diaper of young adult nonsense. The movie throws you into this story fang first (yes, puns will be had in this mini-review) without any sense of placement or direction. Exposition is a good thing which is poorly doled out. And Zooey Deutch is trying way too hard to be Juno from that movie called Juno. Like really hard. For the most part, I didn't understand the story, nor did I really "get" any of the characters. It's literally a unholy cross (pun!) between Harry Potter and Twilight. I'm surprised they didn't give out the house cup at the end.

36. Walk of Shame
Well, I laughed a few times during this movie. I honestly thought this was going to be a theatrically-released movie, but no. Even the studio was like "Screw it, this goes on the On Demand pile of turds." Elizabeth Banks is a funny lady and unfortunately she finds herself in a completely unfunny movie where she's just trying to get home after somehow managing to lose her purse and keys and car and everything else. First World Problems, amirite? What should have been a clever premise ends up being a sad march to bad romantic comedy cliches and crude, junkie, homeless guy jokes. So let's just say we all forget about this one and wait for Banks' directorial debut next year with Pitch Perfect 2.
Rating: WALK OUT OF THE VIDEO STORE WITH A DIFFERENT MOVIE (yes, there are still video stores. Don't roll your eyes at me!)

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