Most Anticipated: Lockout

51. Lockout (PG-13) - Runtime: 95 minutes
Starring: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace
Director: James Mather, Stephen St. Leger

I got to hand it to whatever marketing team did for this movie. Plastered on the rental cover is a blurb from some jackass who has apparently never seen Blade Runner: "A cross between Die Hard and Blade Runner!" If they mean in the sense that the movie has nothing whatsoever to do with Blade Runner, in tone or plot, then yes, he nailed it! Seriously, the movie has more in common with Dude, Where's My Car? than Blade Runner. Just because a movie has sci-fi elements does not make it Blade Runner-esque nor does it make it a sci-fi film for that matter. Now, you may be thinking that because I'm being so harsh with this movie, it must really suck. Well, yeah, the movie crossed over into sucking so bad that I actually enjoyed parts of it. The problem with this movie is that, much like the boy band One Direction, it tries so hard to make you like it.

What I mean is that Guy Pearce is constantly making one-liners. Wait, let me rephrase that - his only dialogue is one-liners. Yeah, that doesn't get annoying. And the movie makes the assumption you're actually going to care why Pearce is on-board a prison in space. That's where this movie went wrong - they over-explained too much and in doing so I did not care what happened to anyone in this movie. Frankly, I thought it would be fun to root for the prisoners - like some of these dudes were wrongly convicted and just looking for a way home. Of course from this perspective, the movie does not have a happy ending.

So you want to hear the plot? Yeah you do! Maggie Grace (the annoying, kidnapped daughter from Taken) once again finds herself being kidnapped in a prison, in space! And she's the president's daughter! Of course, through some bizarrely awful plot exposition, we find that the only man for the job is a disgraced ex-CIA badass named Snow (Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame,
A licky Boom Boom Down!
). He has some horse in this race but by the time the movie ends you don't care that he gets un-disgraced and triumphs over the corrupt government agent that double-crossed him...I think?

The movie had a great hook - a prison in space! - but failed to expand upon that one idea. At one point they start throwing random plot points into the movie. For instance, did you know that the company in charge of the prison (Yay capitalism! Prisons are now privatized! Take that Obama!...You know what? I may have found a deeper layer to this movie - a thoughtful critique of the right's crusade to privatize everything!) was actually using the prisoners and lab rats to find out the effects of deep space travel? Yeah, they casually mention this in the beginning of the movie, but you don't find out it's for real until the end of the movie and by then no one gives a damn, so it's summarily dropped.

On top of all those shenanigans, the movie just doesn't make any sense. The whole reason for the prison going into riot mode is because the security is so lax they can't be bothered to do pat downs. Seriously, when we're seeing weekly on the news about babies, the elderly and the mentally handicapped being given the business at airports, you're telling me that the most dangerous prison (in the solar system!!!!) cannot be bothered with such trifles as full body pat downs?

So if you're looking for a trainwreck or for some new snazzy one-liners for your dinner parties - then do not hesitate to watch this movie. There's some real fun moments, but overall - I'd give a pass on this one.

Rating: Not Worth Paying For!

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