Ahh Hollywood, why do I even bother? Once again, I have to revise my damn list because some stupid jag-off executives in tinsel town decided that they'd rather have some movies come out next year because of "production delays" and the "Needs More Channing Tatum" excuse. C'mon, this is the time of year when I don't need this kind of crap. I will go Betty White on somebody if this happens again!
I think one of the movies on my list (Gravity) got delayed a while ago, but nobody bothered to tell me. Doesn't Hollywood know I like pimping out their stuff for absolutely zero dollars? At least let me in on the loop, guys! And then the thinly veiled excuse of 3D conversion for the new G.I. Joe movie (although it was really only a runner-up on my list, but nevertheless it was on my list) was really just an excuse to put more Channing Tatum in the movie because they kill him off in the beginning. I'm pretty sure the studio really just wanted to get rid of people's memory of the first G.I. Joe. It's almost as if the studio was embarrassed by that movie....hmmm.
So I respectfully offer up two more movies that I know for a fact are coming out this year because I've seen trailers and I believe in the power of the internet.
54. Safety Not Guaranteed
Starring: Aubrey Plaza, Mark Duplass, Jake Johnson
Director: Colin Trevorrow
Release Date: June 28
Yes this looks like a real hipster-produced, Noah Baumbach-esque depressing plot about weird and quirky people but hear me out! First - Aubrey Plaza, who is (let me take a phrase from the trailer) crushing it as April on Parks & Rec - one of best TV shows out there. And Second - Jake Johnson is also crushing it as Nick on New Girl - the best new TV show out there. Just go to Hulu and watch one episode and tell me you don't fall in love with that dude. He's so great. Aside from the cast I'm just really intrigued by the plot - I really hope it doesn't take a weird, depressing turn for the worst in the middle of the movie. I can only hope the movie, much like the trailer, is heartwarming and optimistic. It's pretty much the debut feature-length movie for both the director and writer, so who knows? I'm pretty excited for this movie despite some of it's hipster-indie attributes.
46. Magic Mike
Starring: Channing Tatum, Riley Keough, Matthew McConaughey
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Release Date: June 29
2012 is officially the year of the Tatum. He would have had 5 movies come out this year if not for G.I. Joe getting pushed back. So yes, I'm replacing a Tatum movie with another Tatum movie. But hear me out (I feel like I really have to defend my two replacement picks for some strange reason...) - this movie just looks like it's going to be a fun date movie. Or at least an interesting romantic comedy with a gender role twist! Plus Soderbergh is directing and although he can be a mixed bag, I'm confident he's found the right way to tell this story. To top it all off, the movie is somewhat autobiographical in that it's partly based off of Tatum's life as a stripper in Florida. I know all the ladies will be attending solely for the purpose of Tatum's hot bod, but I may just be a little more intrigued as to everything else going on in the movie. Although I really can't get around the fact that Magic Mike wants to be a custom furniture designer - how left field is that? I'd rather it be the stereotypical aspiring lawyer or doctor role than some weird ass hipster occupation. If anything it looks like it will be a fun distraction.
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