182: I Love You, Beth Cooper

I Love You, Beth Cooper (PG-13) - 2009 - Runtime: 102 minutes
Starring: Hayden Panettiere, Paul Rust
Director: Chris Columbus

Sometimes with teenage sex comedies, you'll find a gem. Like earlier this year, Sex Drive was a huge bomb at the box office, but it was one of the funnier movies I saw this year. So I was hoping that, despite the reviews and the box office, I Love You, Beth Cooper might be charming and funny enough to win me over. Boy was I wrong.

Let's just get this out of the way first: I don't think Hayden Panettiere is hot, nor has any discernible talent as an actress. Apparently she's a singer, too, but I cannot judge her on this, as I haven't really heard any of her tunes. So I will admit I was taking this movie with a grain of salt already - hoping that it would win me over and tickle my funny bone (and it does love to be tickled). However, this movie ends up trying too hard to sell you on the sex, but serving it in a PG-13 rating! This, in my humble opinion, is an injustice! You can't have a sex comedy without the sex! What if American Pie was rated PG-13? Ho-damn, that would not be a good movie! All right, enough, I've made my point.

But putting aside the whole rating issue, there's still got to be some good laughs to be had, right? not really as most of the jokes are fairly lame - dorks versus jocks, middle school sex jokes, etc. I did enjoy Paul Rust for the most part - he plays a good dork. But Hayden Panettiere really isn't suitable for this role. She plays it like a schizophrenic girl next door with bad girl vibes, where deep down inside, she knows the best times of her life has just ended and she's going to end up a sad little waitress stuck in her hometown. And that's the other main problem with this movie - the really goofy and funny bits (which aren't exactly that funny) don't mesh well with the serious, coming-of-age stuff that they throw in. The movie tries to play it too safe with both sides and they both get ruined because of it.

And I feel like I'm getting old, but some of the stuff these kids do and the trouble they get into are just ridiculous for high school students. Seriously, there's no way that these kids wreck and destroy two separate houses, cause numerous traffic accidents/violations and have unprotected sex without any consequences. I guess they live in a dream town where the police can't be bothered and actions don't have any real consequences. I mean, they're just kids, right? And this is a sex comedy, so liven up, ck! No, I will not - it just got to be too much. Like I said, I'm getting old.

Well, I say the kids aren't alright in this movie. To quote Bart Simpson, the movie does the physically impossible: it sucks and blows. Take my advice - watch Sex Drive instead.

Rating: Not Worth Paying For