182: Fatal Attraction

Fatal Attraction (R) - 1987 - Runtime: 119 minutes
Starring: Michael Douglas, Glenn Close
Director: Adrian Lyne

Yeah, I've never seen this movie. And Maggie was super stoked for me to see this. Although the ending was spoiled when I watched BJD (arrgghh! Damn you Bridget Jones!),  it still was a pretty intense watch. Mainly because Glenn Close can play psycho so well.

Okay, let's just get this out of the way. You really have to suspend disbelief in this movie because Michael Douglas' wife (played by the lovely Anne Archer - who's still hotter than Close, just check out her scene in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. In fact, that's the only scene you should watch in that movie) is smokin' (well, as far as smokin' can go in the 80s) hot! And Glenn Close, well, let's just say I physically shouted YIKES! when they revealed her face. She looked like a circus freak in the first scene. You know, the scene where Michael Douglas (Dan Gallagher) is supposed to cream his pants for her? I mean, there is no way that he could possibly be attracted to this when he goes home to this. I mean, he cheats on her when she's only been gone for one day!

So just go with it because you won't find a better psychopathic movie. Sure there's some fairly good imitations (The Crush) but mostly it's just awful (Obsessed), but nothing will top this R-rated thriller. It's pretty good and Glenn Close most definitely deserved her Oscar nomination. And even though I knew how things were going to turn out, it was still pretty intense and oh man, that poor bunny! Bitch had it comin' after that!

The only really unfortunate thing about this movie is, well, it really hasn't aged that well. It's such an 80s film. It screams 80s, with the bad haircuts, the oversized t-shirts and the general lack of fashion sense. Hell, their kid in the movie looks like a boy. But it's not! It's a girl! But you wouldn't know if they hadn't said girl at some point in the movie - I couldn't tell if they were saying Ellen or Alan. I like to believe that secretly,  the Gallaghers just want to mess with their kid's head. Trying to confuse her gender is dangerous, but it was the 80s, so they have a valid excuse.

All in all - check out the granddaddy of all the bitch-gone-crazy movies if you haven't already. It's worth your time, just don't expect a shred of believability with Dan - he's really not the smartest guy in the world.

Rating: Rent It!

182: Chocolat

Chocolat (PG-13) - 2000 - Runtime: 121 minutes
Starring: Juliette Binoche, Johnny Depp, Judi Dench, Carrie-Anne Moss
Director: Lasse Hallström

To quote one of my favorite movies from this year, this movie was just delightful. It would have been only made better if I watched it with some wine and summer salad! But seriously, folks, it was a sweet and delightful movie. But don't let that movie poster fool y'alls - Johnny Depp really isn't a big part of the movie. Sure, he shows up (as a pirate! I bet this is where Bruckheimer saw his potential as flamboyant booty hunter) halfway through the movie, sashaying his way into Juliette Binoche's heart, but it's hardly a big role. But Depp is dreamy and he sells tickets, so whatevs.

For those who managed to skip this delight - Juliette Binoche plays Vianne, a somewhat mysterious and fantastical woman who opens up a chocolate shop in a small, conservative French village. It soon becomes apparent her concoctions are just what this sleepy town needed. Lots of people start living - L-I-V-I-N - living! But some people like to be oppressed, like the local minister (Alfred Molina - playing another nefarious villain - seriously, this is where Raimi decided Molina would make a good Doc Ock - I mean, the roles are practically interchangeable here), who takes charge to try and banish Vianne from his town that he used to have control over. It's a good movie - there's a bit of fantasy to the story and it's something that I really like. Vianne brings such magic and energy to the town and it's fun to see how she changes people's lives.

The performances are wonderful - especially Binoche. I wish she would do more American movies - she's a great actress and I loved her in The English Patient, too. She creates such a wonderful character that at times, is very enigmatic and at other times very honest and open. She balances those two traits wonderfully and when the love of her life shows up - a somewhat subdued Johnny Depp - she becomes a whole different person. And it's that struggle between who she's born to be and what she wants to be that is at the heart of this story.

Like I said, it's a delight and if you haven't been delighted in a while, you should really rent this one. Seriously, delightful.

Rating: Rent It!

182: Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men (R) - 2009 - Runtime: 80 minutes
Starring: John Krasinski, Will Forte, Oh hell just look at the movie poster
Director: John Krasinski

I really don't like movies that have no discernible plot and are just a series of vignettes or just a series of scenes. And I was hoping that with such a great cast there would be some great interviews and stories being told, but the only thing I wanted to do at the end of the movie was take the disc out and toss it in a dumpster and then set the dumpster on fire.

That was harsh I know, but I just hated this movie. I don't know what I was thinking when I sat down to watch this movie, but it didn't offer any insight into the brain of the male species (and as a male I'm offended for my gender) or new, meaningful dialogue. The movie is just a series of random interviews by a grad school student who recently was cheated on. She's intrigued as to why her boyfriend did this to her and decides to get to the heart of men and their relationship towards women. It's all very pretentious and not very funny. It's a series of dull stories being told that all culminates at the end when said boyfriend (played by Krasinski) gives such a bullshit answer to why he cheated on her. He is a hideous man, no doubt, but it's just so anticlimactic and not very intriguing whatsoever.

The big problem with these movies and a lot of movies that take on gender issues (whether whimsical or seriously) is that they tend to generalize every single male or female. Like all-men-are-the-same jokes or theories. But to be honest, you can't just take a few assholes' opinions and stories and make an assumption as to their gender (same with race, religion, etc. ). It's stereotyping at best and I just can't get past the idea that this movie is just generalizing all these men into some formula. Yeah, some guys are dicks, but then there's a guy like me, who's a shining example to all men, even to the human race, how awesome and selfless and humble someone can be. Maybe I just don't get it because the title is all about "hideous" men, rather than just men, but I'll just assume I'm right and they're wrong.

But overall, there are a few stories that are interesting at best, but they tend to drag on and lose their luster or they end up turning sour. It's a tough eighty minutes to get through and you're better off philosophizing to your cat about the foibles of men than watching this dull traipse of a movie.

Rating: Avoid Like the Plague!

182: Bridget Jones's Diary

Bridget Jones's Diary (R) - 2001 - Runtime: 97 minutes
Starring: Renée Zellweger, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth
Director: Sharon Maguire

Let me set this straight. I honestly like chick flicks. I'm a big fan. I don't hide it - I'm shamelessly in love with movies like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (and for some reason this is the gold standard for me. Don't ask me why, it just is) and The Proposal. Despite the fact that most romantic comedies pretty much follow the same formula, I still can really enjoy them, no matter what. And so I was kind of looking forward to watching BJD (I've shortened it to this acronym simply because I cannot type Jones's": - see? - without screwing up! Arrghh!) but I don't think I was really prepared for this one.

I'll give props where it's due - Zellweger is pretty good in this movie and I liked how it wasn't afraid to be ballsy and get an R rating (unlike The Ugly Truth, which on top of being awful, really didn't deserve an R rating). And despite that Colin Firth and Hugh Grant are very dreamy in this movie - I really didn't like it. And I've pretty much committed mortal sin and have failed to live up to expectations as a proper partner because of it. But I just didn't think it was funny and I felt after a half an hour that more than an hour had passed. But I was wrong! We still had an hour left! Maybe it was the British humor or the pace, I don't know, but I found myself becoming extremely bored.

I also made the unfortunate mistake of telling Maggie that I really didn't like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, either. Mainly because I didn't find that one funny at all. Well, if you're going to be honest, I guess be brutal, right? Maggie had mentioned something about how I might enjoy chick flicks/romantic comedies when the other part of the equation (mainly the guy) is more involved in the story. I think there's some truth to that. And to quote a Kevin Smith film, I guess I just need the cock (sorry to all those virgin ears!).

So I gave it a try and I just think this movie isn't for me. I can see why a lot of people love this movie - it's got a lot of heart and energy in it - it's just not aimed in my direction. So if your significant other asks you to see it, go ahead and make sure to smile and say it was good. Otherwise you might find yourself on the couch.

Rating: Not Worth Paying For

182: Chinatown

Chinatown (R) - 1974 - Runtime: 131 minutes
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway, John Huston
Director: Roman Polanski

This movie had been sitting in my Blockbuster envelope for quite some time. I forgot I had it next on my queue and when it came, I don't think I was in the mood. But somehow, I managed to put the disc in one afternoon and slowly became immersed in one of the best noir movies I've seen (I seem to be on a kick with this kind of movie - it's turning into one of my favorite genres, even if they all seem to follow the same formula.

Jack Nicholson plays Jake Gittes a private detective (what else, right?) who mainly deals with cheating husbands and wives. When he gets hired to follow the city's water engineer, who's suspected of cheating on his wife. But it isn't the usual case and soon Jake finds himself caught up in a conspiracy involving land, water supply and murder. It all unravels so well that you'll find yourself done with the movie before you know it. The movie deals with a very serious topic back in the early twentieth century where there were huge disputes over land and water rights. Jake's story all ties in very nicely to something much larger than just murder. And beneath a smart detective story, there's more to tell.

I love these kinds of movies because I find this era (late 1800s and early 1900s) fascinating - it's a time of tons of growth and change for America. And despite all this change, America sometimes feels like a foreign land, ready to be tapped for it's potential. That's part of the reason why I love There Will Be Blood so much - it's just so damn absorbing. And that's how I felt about Chinatown - it's a great way to delve into subjects talked about in the movie. I'll find myself browsing Wikipedia after the movie just to get more information. To me, those are the best movies, when you think about them after it's all done.

It also doesn't hurt that the movie's plot is so well written. You're never given too much information, you're put in Jake's shoes and you're just as invested into figuring out what the hell is going on as he is. And it unfolds at the just the right pace, so that you're not dissatisfied. And, obviously, Jack Nicholson is great in this movie and so is Faye Dunaway. You're always guessing as to whether she's a femme fatale in this movie or if she's just a victim. It speaks volumes to the writing and her performance that she treads that fine line.

It's a great noir film that will keep you guessing and the performances are just fantastic. If you like movies like L.A. Confidential, this one is right up there.

Rating: Rent It!

182: The Accidental Husband

The Accidental Husband (PG-13) - 2009 - Runtime: 90 minutes
Starring: Uma Thurman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Colin Firth 
Director: Griffin Dunne

I kind of feel bad for Uma Thurman. She seems to be struggling lately. Remember My Super Ex-Girlfriend? Probably not because it was bad. And things don't look too good with this movie. You know it's bad when your movie gets pushed back more than six months and then finally gets dumped onto DVD (there are a few exceptions). It doesn't help when your studio that produces your movie goes bankrupt.

And this is another movie that, at least in the trailers, looked promising. But despite a pretty good performance by Jeffrey Dean Morgan (who should be doing more movies), this movie never really gets going or manages to create a spark that good romantic comedies have. Uma Thurman is Dr. Emma Lloyd, a radio talk show host who dispenses with sage advice about how most men are pigs and fairy tale weddings are just that. In doing so, she manages to decimate Patrick Sullivan's plans for a bright future with his fiance. He then decides, with a little help from his friend, to marry her by hacking into the system and declaring she's married to him. Unfortunately, she's about to be married to Colin Firth (so dreamy) and this isn't a good thing, apparently. So hi-jinx ensue and everyone ends up happy with their destined lover (except poor handsome Colin Firth) and pregnant (well, just Uma really).

And it may seem like I spoiled the ending, but trust me, you do not need to see this movie. It's just a fairly pedestrian romantic comedy that doesn't go anywhere, or provide enough laughs to make it a comedy. The best part of the movie is Morgan, who seems to be really committed. There's a few laughs to be had, but overall it was probably a wise decision to send this straight to DVD.

Rating: Not Worth Paying For!

182: Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (PG-13) - 2009 - Runtime: 106 minutes
Starring: Michael Douglas, Amber Tamblyn, Jesse Metcalfe
Director: Peter Hyams

Oh boy, this movie was just awful. It had promise, too. Supposedly it's based on an old 1956 noir thriller of the same name and while the plot sounds intriguing (and it actually is), everything else in this movie seems to stumble around like a hapless drunk with his (or her - don't want to leave out all those women drunkards!) pants down around his (or her!) ankles.

Jesse Metcalfe (who was in John Tucker Must Die, a good teen comedy that unfortunately does not have anybody die in it) plays C.J. Nicholas, an earnest reporter who's looking for his next big break - apparently he already got one when he made a very good puff piece (which it is not - it's so badly shot and put together, something about some crazy junkie who threw her baby away after it died in childbirth, I think. It's not very clear because it's not a good report.) for the local Buffalo news. It was so good they sent him to the big leagues, New Orleans. Yes, the big easy is apparently the next step towards the network nightly news desk. Lame, right? It already sounds a bit implausible. But for some reason, C.J. just knows the D.A. is falsifying evidence. And the only way to prove it is by pleading guilty to a recent murder that he didn't commit - but tape evidence of his innocence as a way to show up the D. A. during his trial.

I'm not gonna lie, it sounded pretty good. But I just can't get past the poorly paced and un-thrilling scenes that take place. And on top of that, it just seems like everyone is phoning their performances in. I'm sure Michael Douglas was just trying to pick up a paycheck because he's, umm, like not convincing as an evil D.A. getting off on his power trip. And Amber Tamblyn is the love interest, but there's absolutely no chemistry between her and Metcalfe. And in the movie, they fall in love in a matter of six or seven days. It's completely absurd - Maggie and I had some fun MST3K-ing some lines about their puppy love. There's way too much building up to the ending that it was pretty excruciating. I just wanted to get to the end because it seemed like all the actors did too.

So do yourself a favor and skip this one - it's pretty awful and no amount of good twists (and there is a fairly decent one at the end) could help save this one from peeing all over itself.

Rating: Avoid Like the Plague

182: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Fantastic Mr. Fox (PG) - 2009 - Runtime: 87 minutes
Voiced by: George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray
Director: Wes Anderson

I really enjoy Wes Anderson. I absolutely loved Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums. I really liked The Darjeeling Limited and even his weakest movies, in my opinion (The Life Aquatic and Bottle Rocket), are still great. So I was really looking forward to his take on a classic Roald Dahl movie. And I'm a big fan of Roald Dahl - my brother had all of his books and I would read a lot of them - my favorites were The BFG and the The Twits. Dahl has a unique perspective on children's literature - something that's a bit absurd and a bit scary, but with a lot of heart and good humor. And although this movie isn't necessarily a great kids film (I think some kids might find it absolutely dull), it's still a great, funny and unique movie - worth watching a few times.

The story unfolds as Mr. Fox and his wife are trying to escape from a squab farm (yeah, they're a kind of bird - the poor man's chicken, I guess) when they get caught. At that moment, Mr. Fox decides to dedicate his life to his wife and family (after Mrs. Fox reveals she's pregnant). After a few years later (several in fox years), Mr. Fox is not content with his digs (literally) and wants to move into a tree. After moving in, he's tempted to go back to his stealing ways - where he annoys the cuss out of the local big wig farmers - Boggis, Bunce and Bean. They decide to wage war on Mr. Fox and hilarity and calamity ensue. It's a great set up for some good jokes and action - all in stop motion.

Which, by the way, is pretty wonderful. I like stop motion a lot and I think Wes Anderson's visual style really suits the stop motion here. His story telling also fits this story well - he embellishes the story with some great side characters and plots. The best is Mr. Fox's son, Ash, who's a bit awkward and feels like a social outcast not only among his peers, but his family, too. Jason Schwartzman is perfect as the voice - he has some of the best lines and gags in the movie. And it all works, it never feels forced. I think that's what I like about Wes Anderson's movies - he seems to really find the poignant and funny moments between families. He's great at showing the best and worst moments in a family's life without ever seeming too harsh or too mellow.

It's a great, fun movie and writing about it makes me want to go see it again. If it's still playing nearby, check it out, you'll be pleasantly surprised at how funny it is.

Rating: See It!

182: Extract

Extract (R) - 2009 - Runtime: 92 minutes
Starring: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Ben Affleck, Kristen Wiig
Director: Mike Judge

This is kind of the perfect movie for me - Mike Judge is directing (the genius behind Office Space and the underrated Idiocracy), Jason Bateman is the lead (he's so dreamy!) and a whole cast of some of my favorite comic actors right now (Kristen Wiig, Mila Kunis, J. K. Simmons) and even Ben Affleck is awesome, who's had a pretty good year in my opinion, even if his box office doesn't reflect it. So it's no surprise that this movie made me laugh a lot and I hope Judge can keep churning out movies like this, because they're exceptionally good.

Jason Bateman plays Joel, owner of his own flavor extract company and at a bit of a crossroads in his life. He's dealing with a possible lawsuit at work, trouble with his wife and on top of that, just managing his company through a possible buyout also. It's in this environment that Mike Judge works so well: the regular workplace. He's not afraid to let his characters react normally to some of the crazy situations that are happening all around them. Despite the dick and fart jokes and stoner moments, this is a very smart and well-done comedy with a lot of good actors at the top of their game.

Every single character seems slightly absurd, but not too far from reality. Jason Bateman does what he does best - play the sane character around a battalion of slightly off-kilter characters. One of which is Ben Affleck, who plays Dean, his pro-drugs best friend. Somehow Joel takes his advice - which seems absurd, but Joel is just looking for someone to guide him through his problems and Dean's the only one who's offering. Joel is having problems with his wife, who seems to have no interest in him anymore and decides, with Dean, to hire a gigolo to seduce his wife, played by Kristen Wiig. He leaves the bait and takes it, more than a dozen times, to be exact. On top of that Mila Kunis plays Cindy, a con artist looking to score big on a potential lawsuit with Joel's company and tries to seduce her way through the movie. All of these crazy situations come together pretty cleverly and if it was anyone other than Mike Judge, I think the movie could have gotten out of hand - but he keeps things grounded in this very real community and work place he's created. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the brilliant performance by David Koechner as the most annoying neighbor on the planet.

It's a pretty hilarious movie and the ending may seem a little weird, but I thought it ended perfectly. It's going to end up being a cult classic, I'm sure. Keep 'em coming, Mr. Judge.

Rating: Buy It!

182: Five Minutes of Heaven

Five Minutes of Heaven (R) - 2009 - Runtime: 90 minutes
Starring: Liam Neeson, James Nesbitt
Director: Oliver Hirschbiegel

 "The man shot my brother three times in the head. The man is having the life of Riley. Do I shake is hand, or do I kill him?" That quote got me hooked into watching this movie. James Nesbitt's execution of that one line had already sold me on a movie that I may have otherwise passed on. Well, despite the two really strong performances out of this title, this sort-of revenge flick doesn't really live up to to the expectations I had with it. Not to say that's a bad thing.

I will say, I really had no idea the back story of this movie going in. Call me ignorant, but I had to get on Wikipedia to find out about the IRA and the Troubles, as they have called the conflict in Northern Ireland in the late twentieth century. So I will give the movie that - it made me more aware of the conflicts that I only read or heard headlines about while growing up. James Nesbitt plays Joe, a man who witnessed when he was just a small boy, the killing of his brother by Liam Neeson's Alistair. The movie takes place in three different segments - the actual plot and killing by Alistair, the TV interview between the two men after more than thirty years have gone by and the subsequent meeting that happens afterward. Alistair is part of a protestant terrorist group, the Ulster Volunteer Force and gets roped into killing a Catholic. While he kills his target - he looks over and sees a little boy staring at him - Joe, the target's little brother. Flash forward thirty years and Alistair is still haunted by Joe's staring image. He's since been a reformed man, or so we're lead to believe. And some hippie, "love conquers all" TV station decides to sit both of them down for what they call a reconciliation. Little do they know Joe plans on killing Alistair.

It a good set up - but one that fails to get things going right away. There's some good parts - the last third in particular was pretty spectacular. But to get there is a bit tedious and almost repetitive. I will give props to Liam Neeson who does a great job playing the redeemed lost soul and James Nesbitt is even better - he's maniacal, somewhat diabolical and completely unpredictable simply because of this one event that changed his life forever. I wouldn't say this movie was fantastic or great, but if you can stick through the first half - the movie rewards you with a great ending.

The movie was directed by the man who did Downfall, which has since become an internet meme on YouTube. You can pretty much find the clip in which Hitler is throwing a temper tantrum and the subtitles are changed to fit any number of topics: the Avatar trailer sucked, Brett Favre's unretirement, even Hitler reacts to all the Downfall parodies out there. Despite this unusual phenomenon, the movie I've heard is pretty fantastic and he's done a pretty good job with this one, too.

Initially this was going to be a lot harsher review, but after writing about it and thinking back on the movie - I was actually struck by the performances and the chills that Nesbitt sends down my back when he says some of his lines. It's a better movie than I initially thought - so check it out if you're up for a good, character-driven story about two men who seem to have lost their way in life.

Rating: Rent It!