Most Anticipated 2014: Pompeii

29. Pompeii (PG-13) - Runtime: 105 minutes
Starring: Kit Harington, Emily Brown, Kiefer Sutherland
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Writers: Janet Scott Batchler, Lee Batchler, Michael Robert Johnson
"I'm not expecting much else from this movie except for there to be some hot lava action" That was what I wrote when talking about this movie. It was listed as number 29, ahead of Godzilla! What was I thinking? Well, to be fair, this movie wasn't all that much and there really seemed very little to care about in this movie. I think I just need to come to terms with these historical, epic movies. I didn't like Gladiator or Troy or any other handful of sandal and sword drama/action flicks.

Pompeii plays out almost exactly like Titanic. Just without a crazy old lady with some million dollar jewel and Bill Paxton. Seriously - Kit Harington plays a Celtic slave Milo (I KNOW!) who, after wasting the first 15 minutes of the movie, finally gets sold down to Pompeii where we can finally see him fall in love with Emily Browning's character, Cassia, the daughter of the mayor of Pompeii (I know full well that's not his official title, but I'm too lazy to look up Roman political jargon). He woos her at first sight by snapping a horses neck (no joke! She practically fainted from her lady parts jolting her senses after that). But it's not to be! That dick Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland) comes from Rome to force his marriage to Cassia. All the while Milo gets beat up and beats people up.

If this sounds boring, well, it is. There's no real build up to the actual eruption and when it happens, it's so drawn out and dull. I mean, the goddamn volcano exploded and half the town is going nutballs, while the other half is just like, sweet, now I can take advantage of killing and looting this place. I'll be safe even though I've probably never witnessed something this horrific in my life.

But the movie never really accomplishes much - there's supposed to be a really strong bro-out between Milo and his slave-in-arms comrade, Atticus. In fact, he gets a fitting, epic death scene where he literally pumps his fist into the air and shouts "For those about to die, I salute you!" Didn't know the dude was an AC/DC fan.

And you would think after all this the actual city becoming ash and all the chaos it would make for some tense action, but it never really felt satisfying. A fairly disappointing movie that has a lot of bad acting (Kiefer Sutherland really hams it up here) and never any real good payoff, even at the end, Pompeii's worst crime is that it's just mediocre. This could have been fun and epic, but it's too slow and the characters are just so dull.

RATING: BURY THIS ONE IN ASH

Water Cooler Prep for November 3

Making sure you don't look dumb or out of the loop in front of your co-workers and friends when you are chit-chatting in the break room.

Nightcrawler wins a tight race at the box office

• Trying to atone for his past movie crimes, Jake Gyllenhaal terrorized the box office this weekend with the thriller Nightcrawler, taking in $10,909,000. Just nine thousand more dollars than second place finisher Ouija. This just confirms that creepy men with handheld camcorders will always outsell creepy boardgames from the nineteenth century. Always.

Fast and Furious 7 Trailer is here

• Officially titled Furious 7 according to the trailer (don't even get me started on the naming logic of this particular franchise) - the new F&F film looks once again to make sure our yearly quota of cars skydiving out of airplanes and semis being overturned on empty highways in the desert gets filled. But honestly? I'm there opening day.

Terminator Genisys reboot details

• Deciding to not only take just one Schwarzenegger hit movie and reboot, but include others like Kindergarten Cop - Paramount is taking a big risk on retelling the original story. Apparently Arnie's T-800 is essentially raising Sarah Connor on his own and there's two plotlines - one in the future and one in the present day. As soon as they post an amazing trailer, we'll get our hopes up only to see them die a horrible death onscreen when we realize that there really cannot ever be another good Terminator movie.

Michael Bay to get final word on Benghazi controversy

• Keeping his promise of delivering small-scale budgeted movies after numbing our senses with too much lens flare and explosions with a Transformers movie - Michael Bay is eyeing 13 Hours - a book adaptation about the Benghazi attack in 2012. Hopefully this won't end up becoming a joke in a South Park episode like his last historical movie:

Seth Rogen to star as Steve Woznizak opposite Christian Bale as Steve Jobs

• No this is not an Onion article. Soon we might be getting Superbad 2 starring Oscar nominees Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen. This is the reality we're facing, folks.

Oh yeah and

MARVEL REVEALS LINEUP FOR NEXT 5 YEARS

• Yeah, this is old news. But Idris Elba dropped a knowledge bomb. If you don't care about spoilers and want to know more - check out this Daily Beast article. Conclusion: Marvel made every comic book fan and superhero movie fan's dream come true.

Most Anticipated 2014: Maleficent

24. Maleficent (PG) - Runtime: 97 minutes
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley
Director: Robert Stromberg
Writers: Too many people
There's been a dearth of recent fairy tale-fueled movies these past few years. Some good, some bad, but mostly they've all been just okay. A very hearty "meh" really. Maleficent really doesn't buck that trend. In fact, it's probably the most blasé of all of them. Sure, it's got some great visuals and a strong female lead, but the story is not that exciting nor are the characters that well developed.

The main problem is that Maleficent is supposed to be a cold hearted bitch. And of course when you bring more depth to an evil character like Maleficent, you're going to lose that edge. And that's fine - I like to see more nuanced characters like that. But instead of softening the edges a bit, the movie completely turns Maleficent into the hero and diminishes any sort of sense of maliciousness or fear whenever she's onscreen. Sure the music is menacing whenever she shows up to curse some people, but it's never really scary like I felt it should be. Pretty much 10 minutes (movie time) after she curses Sleeping Beauty (named Aurora) she regrets it and tries to take it back. It's pretty lame.

The real villain is Sharlto Copley's character - the boy who fell in love with Maleficent, only to betray her and cut off her wings - a very not-so-subtle metaphor for rape. And I think where the story was going was fine - but the movie takes this weird turn half-way through where it's nothing but Maleficent and Aurora having a fun time together in the forest. It's weird and dumb and I pretty much rolled my eyes throughout. I would have rather seen a movie that showed Maleficent's rise to power than see her heart grow ten times like in The Grinch.

There were some good things about the movie - namely the visuals and the beginning of the movie where we see Maleficent as a young fairy and her encounters with all these strange creatures in the woods. It's really awesome and the movie would have been better if they lingered more on the characters within those woods. Create a new mythology/fairy tale of their own. Instead, the film feels rushed when it fast forwards ten or so years so it can get to telling the Sleeping Beauty tale.

I know this is a PG Disney movie, but there's more terrifying scenes in the original Sleeping Beauty than this tame adaptation. The movie felt hollow and devoid of any real fun. It looks real pretty, but that's probably the only thing going for this movie. Angelina Jolie hams it up as much as she can, but she can't save the movie from wooden dialogue and flat characters.

Unfortunately we're not even close to seeing an end to this fairy tale trend. Maleficent is the third highest grossing movie this year worldwide and Disney has lined up a live action Cinderella for next year. Plus Warner Bros. has a Peter Pan movie too. While this may be just good enough for the kids, this one will be long forgotten - you're better off picking up the original animated Sleeping Beauty.

RATING: CURSES TO THIS MOVIE

Most Anticipated 2014: The Judge

37. The Judge (R) - Runtime: 141 minutes
Starring: Robert Downey, Jr., Robert Duvall, Vera Farmiga
Director: David Dobkin
Writers: Nick Schenk, Bill Dubuque
Long before RDJ was charming his way into geeks' hearts, he was more known for his dramatic roles. His most iconic role was Chaplin for which he earned his first Oscar nomination. Robert Duvall has known nothing but drama throughout his career and they're both at their A-game here in this compelling drama about fathers and sons. While The Judge won't win any awards this year, this is still a solid adult-oriented (aka Rated R) drama that are few and far between each year.

You'd be surprised at a lot of the similarities between RDJ's Tony Stark (Iron Man) and his character Hank Palmer in The Judge. Both are narcissistic assholes, both are wealthy, self-made men and they have daddy issues. The latter is probably more important in this movie. Obviously. So it's not that much of a stretch for RDJ to play this role, but he does it so flawlessly. As for Robert Duvall, his character is a stubborn, old-timey somewhat of a jerk of a father and is played brilliantly. And after losing his wife, he gets accused of killing a man he put away thirty years ago.

As the movie progresses and you learn more about the history behind the Palmer's and their overbearing father, it becomes clear that the movie has its strengths and weaknesses. Mostly the family drama and the amazing chemistry between Duvall and Downey are the most engaging and thoroughly enjoyable parts to this movie. Watching them duel - as father and son - is simply fun to watch. There's a lot of heartache and anger in these performances and it's as gut wrenching to watch as it probably was for these two men to perform.

However, the main thrust of the plot - the crime and subsequent trial - all fall a little flat. Billy Bob Thornton comes in on his high horse and demands justice but he's clearly an asshole even though he would be the protagonist in any other courtroom drama. And the actual trial gets a little muddy and convoluted for its own good - the "reveals" of what really happened are not all that exciting. You kind of wish that Judge Palmer would just confess and get back to shouting at his son some more.

But aside from the courtroom, there's a lot to love in this film. The supporting cast is great - Vera Farmiga, Vincent D'Onofrio, Jeremy Strong and Dax Shepard all have a chance to shine. The film may be a bit too long (it's almost two and a half hours!) and at times it feels a little slow, but the performances and the characters outweigh the negatives. At first, when I was leaving the theater, I felt like a lot of this hit home for me - going back from the big city to a small, rural town. Having confrontations with your father and facing your ex-girlfriend. But I realized most of that doesn't really hit that close to home (maybe a little bit of going back to a small town) and I credit the movie for making me feel that way - there's a lot of emotion throughout the film and it must have sunk into my thoughts. It's a very moving film and certainly worth seeing for the performances alone.

RATING: I JUDGE THEE WORTHY OF A MATINEE

Curses!

I think I've unleashed some bad mojo. Just a few weeks ago, I had the unfortunate choice of changing one of my most anticipated movies. For the second time. The original movie on my Most Anticipated list was Jupiter Ascending in the no. 6 spot. That movie promptly got banished to the wasteland of February 2015 for what seems like no good reason, but mainly because the studio has no faith whatsoever in the movie's financial prospects. I replaced Jupiter Ascending with Kingsman: The Secret Service. And that promptly got banished to February 2015 as well, pretty much for the same reasons as Jupiter Ascending. So my third movie, Hot Tube Time Machine 2, I thought there was no way they would change the release date. NOPE. February 2015. AGAIN. I think the fact that it was going against another R-rated comedy during Christmas was made them change the date (Seth Rogen and James Franco team up for The Interview - it's number 46 on my list!).

SO after all that drama, I've waited and decided that I couldn't do any better that the big release coming out this weekend. Barring some misfortune, like the film being completely deleted/destroyed by some idiot worker, Nightcrawler is my FINAL replacement movie.

6. Nightcrawler (R)
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Renee Russo, Bill Paxton
Director: David Gilroy
Writer: David Gilroy
While probably not deserving of the 6 most anticipated movie of 2014, I have no choice. Nevertheless, this still looks like a creepy and thrilling movie. And from all the raves it's been getting at the festivals this year, I've no doubt this is going to be a good film. From every teaser and trailer I've seen, it looks like Gyllenhaal might have an Oscar nomination in his future. He just looks decidedly creepy and malevolent in this movie. It looks like a lot of fun (thrills) but also seems like it has something to say about mass media and our culture of consumption. I'm definitely seeing it opening weekend. And if it sucks? Well, I got at least three movies to look forward to in February!

A Challenger Approaches

A war is being waged at the box office. Ceremonial shots have been fired, but the battle won't start until 2016. I'm talking about DC vs. Marvel. There's two kinds of people in this world: Pepsi vs. Coke, toilet paper up vs. down, cats vs. dogs. People who hate Nickelback vs No one. Personally? I'm more of a Marvel guy, but that's simply because they come out with better (and way more) movies than DC. I am not a comic book guy, but I have read extensively about the comic book backgrounds for most of Marvel and DC. I just think Marvel has a more interesting line up of characters.

That's not to say DC can't best Marvel at the box office or critically (Nolan's Batman trilogy is the pinnacle of thoughtful superhero movies). Clearly Batman trumps almost every other superhero. And there's Superman, whom I'm not particularly fond of, but he probably has the second biggest following behind Batman. And, ironically, DC has way better TV properties than Marvel - Arrow and Smallville have been rousing successes and Gotham and The Flash are earning deserved praise already.

So it's interesting to hear with today's news about DC's once-secret movie lineup is now all laid out to bare for anyone with an internet connection. DC is not just planning one movie per year, but two. They're going full blitz against Marvel:

• Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
• Suicide Squad (2016)
• Wonder Woman (2017)
• Justice League, Part One (2017)
• The Flash (2018)
• Aquaman (2018)
• Shazam (2019)
• Justice League, Part Two (2019)
• Cyborg (2020)
• Green Lantern (2020)

As a comic book/superhero movie fan, this is win-win. DC has got to bring their A-game. Not only has Marvel turned their C- and D-list cast of characters into box office champs, they've earned praise from critics and movie-goers. So DC can't afford to have more than one misstep in this lineup - past success breeds much bigger success and well-loved movies earn the devotion of fans that will turn out in droves to see a movie about a talking tree and racoon in space.

Meanwhile, Marvel is rolling. Despite not owning the movie rights to their biggest franchies (Spider-Man and X-Men), they've done quite well. With Guardians of the Galaxy they've proved that if they make a quality movie, it will be successful despite not having a big name star, director or characters. The first big battle is a ways off: Batman & Superman Vs Captain America and Iron Man. Marvel just announced the inclusion of Robert Downey, Jr. in the next Captain America. And you couldn't get a better matchup, because not only do both movies feature the heavy hitters of their roster, both main characters are going after each other and these movies will be springboards into a much bigger and involved story that covers multiple movies.

On one hand you have Captain America 3 starting the Civil War storyline, which pits Steve Rogers against Tony Stark in a battle for civil liberties as it pertains to superheros. On the other hand, it's Superman's government sell-out vs Batman's grizzled distaste for said government and corruption. It's quite interesting that there are so many similarities between these two plots. Batman Vs Superman was coming out the same weekend as Captain America and I think that would have been fantastic. It would have been epic and so meta. But instead, DC wimped out and decided to move their BIG TIME SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE FRANCHISE MAKER to March.

I mean, March is great, and there's evidence that people will go see a big-time movie (Hunger Games, Alice in Wonderland), but c'mon - these movies are made for summer. But before the announcement of RDJ in Captain 3, it was easily going to get dwarfed at the box office by BvS regardless of when it comes out. But now, I'm not so sure. I think the way Marvel has created a loyal fanbase and their marketing team has been nothing but perfect lately and if they sell Captain 3 the right way (as the start of something HUGE and as big of a deal as Batman battling Superman), there is a chance Marvel comes out on top for the year.

As for the next 6 or so years? Marvel's lineup is somewhat of a mystery:

• The Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
• Ant-Man (2015)
• Captain America 3 (2016)
• Doctor Strange (2016)
• Possible Thor 3? (2017)
• Guardians of The Galaxy 2 (2017)
• Untitled Marvel Film (2017)
• Possible Avengers 3? (2018)
• Untitled Marvel Film (2018)
• Untitled Marvel Film (2018)
• Untitled Marvel Film (2019)

There's lots of untitleds up there. I think it's interesting that Marvel has kept most of the next 6 years a mystery versus DC's openly honest press release. Marvel certainly know what's going on and ultra-producer and master planner Kevin Feige has said they have things planned out until 2021 - which would include four phases of their Cinematic Universe (Age of Ultron will conclude phase 2). I don't know which approach is better - it's fun to speculate what Marvel will be offering up in later years, but it's nice to know what direction DC is taking by seeing all their movies lined up like that.

And this is the new trend in Hollywood. Sony has plans for their own universe with the Spider-Man franchise with the Sinister Six movie, a female driven Spider-Man movie and Spider-Man 3. Fox is looking to continue their success with X-Men by doing X-Men Apocalypse and another Wolverine movie. Don't be surprised if the Fantastic Four reboot shares the same universe along with the announced Deadpool movie. And then you have Star Wars doing the same thing with another trilogy and spinoff movies in between each trilogy movie. We won't be too far away from Pixar or Disney animated films sharing the same universe or Nicholas Sparks' adaptations becoming franchised. Nothing is too crazy and this idea of expanded content may not be a new idea, but it's certainly becoming a profitable enterprise.

And I could not be more excited!

2014 Most Anticipated Addendum

Just when I thought it was safe for the rest of the year, some dumb studio goes and pushes back a movie into next year! This time it was Kingsman: The Secret Service. In fact, that movie was a replacement for Jupiter Ascending, another movie that's getting dumped in the beginning of the year because the studio has no clue as to how to market it. So on to another option and this is definitely coming out this year. Thank god.

6. Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Starring: Craig Robinson, Adam Scott, Rob Corddry
Director: Steve Pink
Writer: Josh Heald
Release Date: December 25
What's there to say? Did you like the first one? Well then this one should be awesome as well. This looks like more insanity from the same guys who did the first one. Just swap out John Cusack for Adam Scott and add Gillian Jacobs, Thomas Lennon and Jason Jones to the mix and this should be a fun and very R-rated Christmas movie that maybe you'll have to sneak out to after hanging out with the fam all day. Between this and The Interview, Unbroken and holdovers like The Hobbit and Exodus: Gods and Kings, this Christmas could be pretty fun for moviegoers.

Most Anticipated 2014: Review Roundup

18. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (R) - Runtime: 102 minutes
Starring: Mickey Rourke, Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writer: Frank Miller

Too little, too late. What a disappointment this movie was. The original Sin City was pretty good (at least from what I remember) and I was hoping that the sequel would be just as gritty and dark and a bit too crazy just like the first one. Instead the movie doesn't have a compelling story to tell among the three different vignettes. The characters themselves are flat and don't have any depth beyond taking revenge and being evil. JGL's character is the most likeable and you root for his character, but he's a very small part of the movie where his story could have been way way more because of the potential there. Plus the acting was all wooden and the film noir-narrative just comes off as desperately trying too hard unlike the first movie when it felt a little more fresh. This was one of the worst movies I've seen all year.
RATING: THREE HAIL MARYS WILL DO FOR WATCHING THIS MOVIE

58. The Maze Runner (PG-13) - Runtime: 113 minutes
Starring: Dylan O'Brien, Will Poulter, Kaya Scodelario
Director: Wes Ball
Writers: Noah Oppenheim, Grant Pierce Myers, T.S. Nowlin

Young Adult movie adaptations are all the rage now and most of them are pretty terrible. Luckily, The Maze Runner is compelling (and good) enough for a movie. The Lord of the Flies aspect of boys trying to run a civilization while simultaneously being prisoners is rich enough. The premise is pretty absurd and by the end of the movie, you'll have more questions than answers, but it was exciting and the characters were fairly well-written enough that you'll enjoy the movie. Much like the main character who doesn't know what the hell is going on, the audience is along for the ride without any idea where it's headed. Which works for this movie. And it doesn't waste any time as things move quickly from one action scene to the next. It was good enough for me to go out and get the first two books to read! Consider that a success!
RATING: A LABYRINTHINE GOOD TIME

48. The Equalizer (R) - Runtime: 132 minutes
Starring: Denzel Washington, Marton Csokas
Director: Antoine Fuqua
Writer: Richard Wenk

Who knew this 80s television show remake would make for a compelling, very violent and visceral movie? Denzel is a badass and he shows it here as an ex-CIA agent who kills off part of the Russian mob operating in America. The movie starts off slow. And I mean slow - but it works in this movie - you get to know Denzel's character and who he is and what drives him. And then when the fury gets unleashed, it's a little shocking. There's a lot of crests and falls in the movie and it all leads up to a Home Alone-esque (no joke here!) takedown of hired goons at the Home Depot. This movie was awesome - it's gritty and violent and disturbing. My only quibble is that there are no female characters to speak of in the movie. Sure, there's the heart of gold hooker Denzel is saving, but she's barely in it and Melissa Leo plays a former associate of Denzel's, but she has limited screen time. It's pretty sad. But aside from that, this movie just works. It's really Denzel that elevates the material above just a revenge flick.
RATING: AN EQUALLY BADASS AND SOMBER TIME AT THE THEATER

44. This is Where I Leave You (R) - Runtime: 103 minutes
Starring: Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Jane Fonda
Director: Shawn Levy
Writer: Jonathan Tropper

I will freely admit I am a sucker for ensemble family dramedies. The Family Stone, Dan in Real Life, The Way, Way Back - I just really enjoy seeing family dynamics in certain settings. In this case, the Altmans patriarch passes away and his final wish is for everyone to sit shiva for one whole week. Of course this family is as dysfunctional as any other movie family and so lots of drama and lots of comedy ensue. And boy is there a lot of drama - every single character has a lot of baggage that they bring to the table and Jason Batman is in the center of it all. His life is a wreck and this week at home will change his life for the better and maybe for the worst as well. All the performances are great, including Adam Driver as the baby boy of the family who plays a womanizing, going-nowhere twenty-something. There's a lot of sweet and bittersweet moments and some that hit a little too close to home for me. But it's all endearing and funny and I loved every minute of it.
RATING: THIS IS WHERE I SAY GO SEE IT

28. Gone Girl (R) - Runtime: 149 minutes
Starring: Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike
Director: David Fincher
Writer: Gillian Flynn

I have no clue why David Fincher's newest movie wasn't higher on my list. He hasn't directed a bad movie at all (and yes, I'm including Alien 3 in that discussion) and as far as mystery/thrillers, he's probably the best bet you can get (Zodiac still sends chills down my spine. Every. Damn. Time.). Partnering up with Ben Affleck, another favorite of mine should have landed this movie in the top 10. But I think I just didn't put two and two together. This movie is simply stunning. From the direction and cinematography, to the haunting and beautiful soundtrack to the performances (especially Ms. Pike) - it all seems so effortless. Yes, I read the book before watching the movie, but Fincher really knows how to turn something so beloved into something that seems so original on the screen. No doubt the book is better, but the movie is so good that it stands on its own ground. And the last half an hour is captivating and probably one of the most visceral and thoroughly engrossing endings I've seen all year. This is as close you can get to near-perfect for a movie. I loved it and loved it more the second time I saw it.
RATING: GO ON GIRL AND SEE THIS MOVIE!

Most Anticipated 2014: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

25. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (PG-13) - Runtime: 101 minutes
Starring: Megan Fox, William Fichtner, Will Arnett
Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Writers: Josh Applebaum, Andre Nemec, Evan Daugherty

Let's just get this out of the way: I'm a huge, huge Ninja Turtles fan. Much like most people my age, I grew up with the cartoon every Saturday morning. And like most people my age, I have very strong opinions about pop culture from my childhood. We're reaching almost catastrophic levels of nostalgia for the 90s and it's not surprising that the Ninja Turtles have gotten the "reboot." Although I use that term loosely. Because what most people my age have to know is that the Ninja Turtles never really went away. They just evolved with each new generation - apparently the new cartoon that started last year is totally great and the series from the 2000s was pretty good too. So this movie is mainly for a newer generation of Turtles fans. Sure, there's plenty of fan service to us oldies, but mainly this movie is for the kids.

And for the most part, this kids movie is fun and frenetic like a Ninja Turtles movie should be, albeit with several flaws. It gets the Michael Bay treatment - big, loud set pieces and explosions with lots of lens flare; good god there's a lot of lens flare! - but it's far better than anything Michael Bay has directed with the Transformers sequels. The movie is an origin story and it starts out painfully slow - there's a voice over and animation sequence telling us how the turtles came to be who they are - but really, this could have been shown or told throughout the whole film. Instead we're treated to this awful narration and the turtles don't even show up until about 20 minutes into the movie. If there's one huge complaint it's that this movie didn't spend nearly enough time showcasing and indulging us with enough turtles!

The movie's big focus is April O'Neal - the intrepid and ambitious reporter who's looking to get that big break. And while it's nice that the movie wanted to focus on April, it would have been a lot better had the movie just focused on the turtle characters and had them coming together as a team. April has her cameraman sidekick - played by Will Arnett - to chum around with but their relationship is really not worthy of screen time. He has a creepy crush on her because he looks so old next to her and really he doesn't have much to do in the movie except provide transportation. But I digress - for what little we do get from seeing the turtles, it's pretty fantastic. There's the usual hijinks and immature ninja-wielding fun that they indulge in and it's great.

I thought William Fichtner was going to be great playing the villain - but his character is so dull and boring in this movie about Ninja Turtles that it's hard to muster any sort of emotion. And Shredder was a complete badass but has absolutely no depth - he's just an evil samurai dude in a metal suit. It's unfortunate that the movie is this shallow, but I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. This movie should have cut the beginning 20 minutes and spent a good 30 minutes developing the characters more. More of Leo and Raphael fighting and Donatello being a nerdy brainiac. More Michelangelo being silly. More Shredder background.

This could have been a better movie. With that being said, it's still better than I expected. I really thought I would hate, hate this movie from what I saw in the tonally-dark trailers. But it's light hearted and it really is more like an extended episode of the show. It's just too bad they couldn't find a better focus for the movie besides April and her sidekick.

Rating: Radically mediocre!

Most Anticipated 2014: Guardians of the Galaxy

5. Guardians of the Galaxy (PG-13) - Runtime: 121 minutes
Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, David Bautista, Lee Pace
Director: James Gunn
Writers: Nicole Perlman, James Gunn

Wow. Just wow. Totally blew up my expectations. I think as time went by this year, Guardians became increasingly more exciting to me, especially after a couple of somewhat disappointing movies in my top 5 (Noah, X-Men). And after all the amazing reviews and good word-of-mouth, Guardians is most definitely the movie to see this summer. It took us 3 months to get to an event-level movie, but no doubt Guardians lives up to and exceeds all the hype. James Gunn and Nicole Perlman have crafted a fun, weird and funny sci-fi action flick. Plus all the Guardians are written so well (yes even Groot, who can only say the phrase "I Am Groot!") and they have a nice progression and arc during the movie.

Peter Quill (the about-to-be-a-household-name Chris Pratt), a lone bounty hunter/scavenger who got abducted by aliens when he was a boy, finds an orb of significant value and power, although he doesn't know it at the time - he's just looking to unload it for money. Along the way back to cashing the orb in, Gamora (sci-fi vet Zoe Saldana) is sent to get the orb from him by the villain Ronan and also Rocket (the racoon) and his partner Groot (the tree) find Quill to be a good bounty, so they decide to try and capture him. Well, they all cause a ruckus and are soon sent to space prison where they meet the fifth member, Drax, a maniacal warrior with revenge on his mind (Ronan killed his family). They band together and finally figure out they need to stop Ronan. Hijinks ensue.

The movie starts off great - we see Peter as a boy getting abducted right after seeing his mom pass away from what I'm guessing is cancer. She made him a cassette mixtape with some awesome tunes and cut to the present day where we see Quill dancing around some ancient ruins to Redbone's Come and Get Your Love and it is perfect. Plus it sets the tone for the rest of the movie - you know you're in for a fun time and Quill is not your typical type of hero. Although he's selfish and a ladies' man, deep down he's still wounded from his mother dying and getting abducted. Gamora is the "daughter" of the Thanos - the intimidating villain behind the evil Ronan - but really he killed her family and took her in and trained her to be the galaxy's deadliest assassin. Needless to say, she has daddy issues. Drax is out for revenge like I said earlier and Groot has his moments as the sidekick to Rocket - who is the heart and soul of this movie. Voiced by Bradley Cooper, who's nearly unrecognizable, deserves many kudos for really getting into character.  He is a genetically-modified Racoon who's been tortured and experimented on too many times and he sees life as nothing but unfair and awful. And he steals every scene he's in.

Rocket's humor and disregard for others is what makes this movie tick. Not only is there an awful lot of action, but the jokes and humor are extremely funny and entertaining. From Drax's quirk of not really understanding metaphors ("It's not over my head, because I'm too quick, I would catch it) to Rocket's pranks - the prosthetic leg bit was hilarious. I could go on and on - but I don't want to spoil the fun. The movie has a great climax and I can't wait to see what the Guardians will get up to next!

This was by far my favorite movie this summer and possibly the year so far. It's just fun, sharply written and all the characters are brilliantly portrayed. The action is amazing and it's just a blast. Plus the music in this movie is fantastic - I love the funky, R&B mix that Peter Quill holds dear to his heart! This is a definitive must-see movie!

Rating: A Funky Good Time!